Taco Bell Diablo Chips Review

Spicy + Jeni = disaster. I have seriously exaggerated, ridiculous reactions to spicy food.  While I’m dying from the inside after eating a spicy sauce or pepper, everyone around me is laughing.  I’m not the “pepper is too much” or “ketchup is too spicy” kind of girl.  I’m the mild salsa, leave off the jalapeños, no cajun food for me type of gal.  With that in mind, I’m about to take one for the team.  I, Jeni of House Hawkins, rightful bitcher of Spicy Foods, the Queen of the Milds, Protector of her own esophagus, Mother of Bland, the Breaker of Heat, the Cryer of Peppers, will review these new Taco Bell Diablo Chips.

First of all, it has a warning label on the bag.  It literally says, “This is my warning label.”  That’s terrifying for me. It’s supposed to be cute and silly, but it’s freaking me out.  Plus, the bag is black, white and a dark maroon color.  That’s intimidating.  Let’s do this.  *turns on Game of Thrones theme music for motivation*

Immediately when I opened the bag, I noticed just how black these chips really are.  They are black on the bag, but how often does the food inside actually look like the picture?  Intimidating, yet again.  The next thing I noticed was how much seasoning is on these babies. They are COVERED in seasoning, and actually look fuzzy because of it.  Fuzzy is adorable.  These are not.  Then I smelled them, and was surprised.  They smell pretty damn good!  I’m getting a taco seasoning, heavy on the garlic scent.

And here I go. I am the unburnt. I can do this.  *turns up music*

Ok. *wipes drool from mouth*  Whoa.  First of all, I like the black tortilla chip flavor.  But that’s not very prevalent because that ominous, fuzzy powder that was more than generously dusted onto these chips is overpowering.  As soon as it hit my tongue, my tastebuds started having seizures.  They are not lacking in flavor – that’s for sure.  I couldn’t point out what the flavor is, besides FREAKING HOT.  Onion, garlic, *drools* taco spices…..Take note – if you have chapped lips or a cut in your mouth, wait until it heals. I bit my cheek while eating an apple this morning. I may as well have just lit my mouth on fire.

*wipes sweat from forehead*  So, I’ve eaten two of these as I type this.  And my eyes are literally watering.  I do believe my glasses just fogged up a bit.  The heat and spices linger in my mouth and on my tongue long after the chip is gone, and that kick really hits the back of my throat. Like roundhouse kick straight to the esophagus.  I waited a good 4 minutes between chip 1 and chip 2, and could still feel that burn.  It’s almost like my tastebuds are dancing…like Habanero Pop Rocks all over my tongue.  After the second chip, *wipes drool* that heat is intensified.  I think if I keep eating them, it will just prolong the fire in my mouth, and make it more intense.  And for you guys – I just ate another one.  And I was right.

Now, for me, this was a 7 out of 10 on the heat scale.  But I’m a big baby.  My boyfriend, who LOVES spicy foods tried some and said they were only about a 3 or 4, and as you keep eating, it gets more intense. After eating six back to back chips he upped that to a 7. He really liked them and said they had a great flavor behind the heat. If you don’t like spicy, take my opinion to heart. If you love it, listen to the boyfriend. Of course, if you don’t like the stuff that sets your mouth on fire, you wouldn’t be buying these anyway.

This completes my review.  I have sweated off a good pound or two, my tongue hates me and my throat is on fire.  However, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I didn’t regret being born. I didn’t internally combust or curl up into a ball crying.  I am alive and I’m ok…  I told you I exaggerate.