3 Musketeers Birthday Cake Review

In life, there are a lot of disappointments.  It’s just one of those things we have to deal with daily.  It’s defeating when my coffee gets cold.  We disappoint our parents pretty much every day.  You might be frustrated with traffic on your morning commute.  I am discontented over the remake of Miami Vice TV series.  But, we pick up the pieces, and we move on.  Until the next disappointment, of course.  And today, it’s the new 3 Musketeers Birthday Cake candy bar.

When I see “birthday cake” on a package, I get excited for that buttercream frosting and moist vanilla cake combination.  I think of parties and balloons and presents.  I anticipate all of that to be incorporated into the product that says, “birthday cake” on it.  Alas, my pretties.  It’s another big disappointment.

Looking closely at the package, it reads, “vanilla-flavored nougat and colorful sprinkles covered in rich milk chocolate.  Damn me for not reading the fine print before purchasing this candy bar. 3 Musketeers is already the sad version of a candy bar.  It’s the redheaded step-child of the candy family and the last thing to be eaten out of a Halloween candy bag after trick-or-treating. I literally have 6 of the miniature 3 Musketeers in the drawer under my bed from last year. I bought a bag of mixed candy bar miniature for trick-or-treaters and of course, like a normal person, I pocketed random handfuls for late night treats.  They’ve been there nearly a year. Needless to say, 3 Musketeers really needed to step it up with something new. And this was their chance.

The vanilla-flavored nougat is nothing exciting.  In fact, it’s just a tad sweeter than the regular nougat. And the sprinkles?  Hardly the embodiment of a birthday party in a candy bar. They weren’t bright or plentiful, and I had to really look to find them. So what do we really have here?  A slightly sweeter 3 Musketeers with tiny specks of color in a whiter nougat.  Maybe that’s what they should have written on the package, because this is no birthday cake. No, sir.  Not by any stretch is it birthday cake.

Just one more disappointment in life, folks.  I don’t recommend buying it.  It’s boring.  Dare I say, it’s even somehow more boring than the original…..  I do dare.  I dare say that.  It sucks and it’s stupid and I’m disappointed.  Might as well go watch the new Miami Vice TV show, since I’m already in a poopie, disappointed mood now.

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About the author


When I'm not stuffing my face with salty treats made of pure carbohydrates, I'm working out and trying to sweat out the excessive calories I ate.  I live in Dallas, Texas and absolutely love it.  This is the state that fries everything, serves 2 pound chicken fried steak dinners with at least 2 sides that are beautiful, tan and delicious. I eat tacos with ketchup, consider wine and popcorn a meal, put bacon on everything and will slap a fool if he asks for a bite of my beef jerky.

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