Wild Berry Froot Loops Review
There’s always a class clown, always that one weirdo on the bus, and always the lady in church that has to sing hymns louder and carry the notes longer than everyone else. There’s always “that guy” out there that has to be different from the norm. Sometimes, it’s refreshing. Sometimes, it’s obnoxious. Frivolous lawsuits are a great way to weed out “that guy,” and put them in the spotlight. For example, suing McDonald’s because the coffee was “hot.” Or how about when Nutella was sued by a mom that thought it was nutritious because it was “part of a balanced breakfast”? And then there’s Froot Loops. The beloved cereal has been the victim of “that guy” in four lawsuits. In fact, two of those lawsuits came from the same guy that refused to go away or hold an ounce of common sense that the cereal doesn’t actually contain fruit. Two federal judges decided that use of the word “Froot” cannot be interpreted as suggesting the presence of real “fruit.” First, because “froot” is not a real thing, and real fruit doesn’t come in the form of “loops.”
Honestly, who fucking cares? I mean, really. When we grab a box of Froot Loops, we know what we’re getting. And it ain’t a bowl of fruit. It’s a classic cereal that’s been around for over 55 years and stood the test of time. It’s actually changed very little over the decades. Even Toucan Sam hasn’t had many transformations. It’s always rated highly in top cereal polls, is instantly recognizable, and just a damn good cereal.
When I got this box of new Wild Berry Froot Loops, I was pretty excited. Regular Froot Loops offers that nondescript, general fruit flavor with hints of citrus and melon in it. I’m expecting that this Wild Berry Froot Loops will give me an equally delicious, yet familiar and universal berry taste. And I won’t try to sue them, because I believe there are real berries in it.
I opened the box and BOOM: artificial, beautiful berry scent. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it was familiar. At first, it reminded me of Grape Hubba Bubba Bubblegum. But as I kept sniffing away at the box, I realized it smells exactly like Kool-Aid powder. Whatever it is, it’s magical. I’m sure that it was a bit psychosomatic, because I was expecting it to smell like berries. Either way, it smells amazing and delicious.
I took a few dry pieces out and chomped down on them. I don’t know what type of “wild berry” they want to mimic, but I need that wild berry bush in my garden. These are really good! The fact that they added in a new shape – a purple star – really doesn’t impress me, excite me or give me warm fuzzies. It doesn’t bother me, either, though. I could eat a bowl of this stuff dry, easily. The colors are reminiscent of the bright neons that dominate the 1980s. If anyone thinks eating this is healthy, just based off the blindingly chaotic colors, they probably also think a Slim Jim is made from a real cow. This bowl is brilliantly bright!
The bowl is full now, and the milk is being poured. I’m anxious to dig in. I took five bites before even drawing my conclusion. This cereal is freaking awesome! Not only are the neon Loops really inviting and fun, the flavor really does offer something different from normal Froot Loops. It’s completely artificial, sugary berry flavored. There’s no way you could pinpoint a specific berry and say, “oh, yes, I am tasting wild blueberry right now.” Just like a candy that claims to be “wild berry,” you’ll get that same, sweet, slightly tart flavor in this cereal. All of the pieces are the same flavor, which makes every bite predictably delicious. I will absolutely continue to buy more Wild Berry Froot Loops.
I do have one complaint – after a few minutes, it started getting really soggy. I put the dry cereal in milk and it got soggy after five minutes. I’m outraged and thinking of suing Kellogg’s because it doesn’t state that it DOES NOT get soggy. I feel misled and bamboozled by Froot Loops. I’m filing a lawsuit to validate my own delusions of inadequacy now. Just kidding – I’m not a dick.
If you insist on being “that guy” who wants to genuinely believe that “Froot” is actually “fruit,” and feels slighted because you didn’t get the anticipated fruit in your breakfast, have at it. Sue Kellogg’s. And then become the victim of exaggerated eye rolls and enraged Froot Loops fans. I’d rather be “that guy” that eats a delicious bowl of sugary cereal, knowing that I’m not getting my daily intake of fresh fruit from a box with a toucan on it.